Be A Brother

“To authentically belong”

Authenticity is defined as “the quality of being authentic; genuineness.” The definition for belong is “to be in the relation of a member, adherent, inhabitant, etc.” To authentically belong is to genuinely be in the relation of a member.

Does this definition reflect the way in which you are connecting in relationships with other people? Do you connect genuinely? Does this reflect the way in which you are connected in a relationship with God? No matter what you do or don’t do, God sees and knows your heart. He knows the real you – but do you know the real you? Do you know your signature soul print?

Just as your fingerprint is unique and one of a kind, so is your life. God only created one you, and he created you for a purpose. God desires to use you for a specific purpose and for specific tasks. God also desires the “authentic you” to connect in meaningful relationships with other people.

So many times, we spend our time trying to guess what others desire us to be and then try and become that which we guess others desire us to be. Pretty confusing sentence, huh? But it is even more confusing trying to become something which you were not created to be.

Over the next few days, we will be looking at some elements that are necessary to authentically connect with others. Pray that God will lead you to discover who you are in a very authentic way. God wants you to be you! There is great freedom in that.

1.1.1 Boundaries

1.1.2 Boundaries are “property lines” that should exist in all earthly relationships. Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend write that boundaries serve two very important functions. First, they define us and, second, they protect us. When boundaries do not exist, there is a loss of identity, which can lead to a loss of self. The readings for the remainder of the week will examine the content that should be present in your life. Once you know what the content of your life should be, you’ll better know where to set up the protective “property lines,” or boundaries, of your life.

Let me try my best to give you examples using God as the subject. What are some facts we know about God? God is love; God is true; God is just; God is grace; God has a purpose for our lives; God is merciful; God was not created but has always been; God exists outside of time; God cannot be mocked; God keeps no record of wrong; and so on. All of these facts about God are the content of who God is. Now that we know the content, we set up the “property lines” because we know God cannot be anything other than his content.

Let’s look at your life. What are your boundaries? Let’s start by answering just a few questions. Use these questions as a starting point, and then think of others that help you define your boundaries.

  1. Do you believe that you should have the same character as that of Jesus Christ?
  2. What are some of the attributes of Jesus’ character? (You might start with the traits about God, listed just previously.)
  3. What are your values? Are they based on biblical truth?

So where do boundaries come into play? Now that you have the answers to the previous questions, you can set up boundaries so that the content within your boundaries is not compromised. If you believe your worth is found in your relationship with Christ and your worth comes from him, then that becomes part of your boundary. You will therefore be much more unlikely to allow someone else to devalue you.

Prayer: Ask God to lead you to discover what the content of your life should be. Ask God to help you establish clear boundaries that will help you keep the integrity of your content as well as protect it from external influences.

Remember, in the book of James, James says a double-minded man is tossed back and forth like the waves of the sea. This man does not have his boundaries established and is therefore easily swayed and thrown off course.

1.1.3 Self-confidence

Psalm 8:3-9 (ESV)
3 When I look at your heavens, the work of your fingers, the moon and the stars, which you have set in place,
4 what is man that you are mindful of him, and the son of man that you care for him?
5 Yet you have made him a little lower than the heavenly beings and crowned him with glory and honor.
6 You have given him dominion over the works of your hands; you have put all things under his feet,
7 all sheep and oxen, and also the beasts of the field,
8 the birds of the heavens, and the fish of the sea, whatever passes along the paths of the seas.
9 O Lord, our Lord, how majestic is your name in all the earth!

(1)    There is nothing wrong with being self-confident. In fact, it is vital to authentically connect with others. There is really no way around it. Part of being confident in yourself is liking who God created you to be. God does not make mistakes and when God created you as you are, he didn’t make a mistake. You may think to yourself, “But I’m not this” or “I can’t do that as good as so in so.” Well, the truth is that God didn’t create you to be like another person. Besides that, you will never like yourself if you fall into the trap of comparison. As my wife tells me, “Comparison is a thief of joy.” Comparison is also a thief of being authentic. It distracts us and robs us from the joy of being self-confident.

The passage above illumines us to the truth that God created us with his own hands and he cares for us immensely. God crowned you and me with glory and honor through our union with his son, Jesus Christ. He gave us the entire earth as our playground. We are very important to God, and this very realization should lead us to the place of worship.

Question: Self-confidence for the Christ-follower is being sure of and liking who God created us to be. Are you self-confident? I realize that we all have areas that we are working on and we will always be in the process of being refined, but do you like who God created you to be?

Prayer: Ask God to begin the process of discovering who you are (we will talk more about this next week). Ask God to help you find the balance of being self-confident while not coming across as overly-confident or prideful.

 

 

1.1.4 Respect

(1)    1 Peter 2:17 (ESV)
17 Honor everyone. Love the brotherhood. Fear God. Honor the emperor.

(2)    1 Peter 3:16 (ESV)
16 yet do it with gentleness and respect, having a good conscience, so that, when you are slandered, those who revile your good behavior in Christ may be put to shame.

(3)    William Wilberforce was a great Englishman who led a great reform in Britain. There were two components to the reform, the first being the abolition of slavery and the second a restoration of civility to the land. The people had just become flat out disrespectful to one another.

List some ways in which our society has become disrespectful.

 

I wish I could say that this disrespect only happens outside of the church and can only be found in the lives of people who are not followers of Christ, but I can’t. I am sad to say that oftentimes there is really no difference in the way Christians treat one another.

God is pretty clear when he says, “Honor everyone.” This doesn’t mean that we just honor those who look like us, talk like us, smell like us, live like us, wear clothes like us, and have the same beliefs as us. No, we honor everyone.

To honor or respect doesn’t mean that you have to agree with someone. It simply means that you show respect while disagreeing with, discussing with, or confronting other people.

Re-read 1 Peter 3:16. God lays out a pretty good reason for honoring and respecting others, doesn’t he? From time to time, others are going to try to slander and tear you down, and they will try to ruin your credibility and character. If you have been showing others respect and honor, others will not believe what is being said about you and those who are trying to hurt you will be put to shame. Respect has to be present in order for you to authentically connect with other people.

Questions:

  1. Does the way you respect people lead others to see the Christ that is in your life?
  2. Do you get so caught up in the world’s view that you do whatever it takes to come out ahead, even if it means disrespecting or dishonoring others?

Prayer: Ask God to show you how you treat others. Ask God to help you become one who is known for respecting and being kind to others. Ask God to use you to help restore civility to our society.

Side note: We will examine the element of respecting yourself at a later date.

1.1.5 contentment

(1)    Philippians 4:11 (ESV)
11 Not that I am speaking of being in need, for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content.

(2)    1 Timothy 6:6 (ESV)
6 Now there is great gain in godliness with contentment.

(a) Arkeo (Greek word for contentment) – To be free from care because of satisfaction with what is already one’s own.(International Standard Bible Encyclopedia)

(3)  Contentment. Now that’s a fun word. It seems as if our society promotes everything but being content. We work longer and harder to buy more so we can have what we want. The sad part is that when we obtain that which we worked so hard for, we are left still wanting more. So what does it take to be content?

Paul gives us a key in Philippians. He frames his statement about learning to be content in every situation by saying, “Not that I am speaking of being in NEED …” A key to contentment is differentiating between a NEED and a WANT. So often we want more, overlooking the fact that our needs have been met.

Re-read the definition of arkeo. Do you want to be free from the things that bind you here on earth? Oftentimes the very things that we own end up owning us. This is not God’s intention. God desires us to be satisfied and content with all that he has provided. In order to be authentic, you have to be content – content with who you are and what you have.

Questions:

  1. What things in your life own you?
  2. What areas of your life do you need to be content with?
  3. List some practical steps you can take toward becoming content in those areas.

Prayer: Ask God to help you identify the difference between needs and wants in your life. Ask God to continue to provide for your needs. And be honest with him; let him know if you have wants. The truth is that God always seems to meet our needs – and then some.

1.1.6 Honesty

(1)    Philippians 4:8 (ESV)
8 Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.

(2)    Luke 8:15 (ESV)
15 As for that in the good soil, they are those who, hearing the word, hold it fast in an honest and good heart, and bear fruit with patience.

(3)    There is no way to get around the fact that in order to connect authentically, you have to be honest. It sounds like a no-brainer, I know, but if it is a no-brainer, then why are we often so dishonest with one another? It’s not that we usually come out and just blatantly lie  – though sometimes we do – but, rather, we communicate partial truths, which are still lies.

God’s standard is that you be a single man who is wrapped in truth, the whole truth. God desires you to focus on what is honorable, just, pure, lovely, commendable, excellent, and praiseworthy. These are the characteristics of a man who has surrendered his life to the Lord. As part of all these characteristics, you need to be honest with yourself and with others.

List times in your life when you were not honest. What were the consequences to your actions?

 

 

Now list some times when you were honest, even though it was tough. What were the consequences to your good choices?

 

 

Sometimes when we make bad choices, we want to hide the truth and not be honest with those around us. The truth will always come out. The Bible tells us that the truth will set us free. Not being honest only leads to a life full of guilt and the feeling that someone is going to find out the truth. This only perpetuates more and more of the same. This is no way to live and it is not the way that God desires for you to live.

As the saying goes, “Honesty is the best policy.” This is true no matter what the context is in your life. Honesty is the best policy at work, home, in every relationship you have on earth, and in your relationship with God.

Prayer: Ask the Lord to help you in any areas where honesty hasn’t been your policy. Ask the Lord to forgive you and give you the strength to ask others for their forgiveness if it is appropriate.


Week Two Small Group Discussion Guide

Connect

Use this as check-in time. What were you thinking about on your way to meet together? Follow up with your group and update them on what you discussed in your last check-in time.

Grow (Discuss the following Scriptures, quotes, and questions from your readings.)

  1. Just as your fingerprint is unique and one of a kind, so is your life. God only created one you and that is for a purpose. God desires to use you for a specific purpose and for specific tasks. God also desires the “authentic you” to connect in meaningful relationships with other people.
  2. Do you get so caught up in the world’s view that you do whatever it takes to come out ahead, even if it means disrespecting or dishonoring others?
  3. Contentment. Now that’s a fun word. It seems as if our society promotes everything but being content. We work longer and harder to buy more so we can have what we want. The sad part is that when we obtain that which we worked so hard for, we are left still wanting more. So what does it take to be content?
  4. God’s standard is that you be a single man who is wrapped in truth, the whole truth. God desires you to focus on what is honorable, just, pure, lovely, commendable, excellent, and praiseworthy. These are the characteristics of a man who has surrendered his life to the Lord. As part of all these characteristics, you need to be honest with yourself and with others.
  1. If you believe that your worth is found in your relationship with Christ and our worth comes from him, then that becomes part of your boundary.

Serve

Use this time to go around the group and share what your needs are with one another. Take every opportunity to meet the needs within your group as they arise. What was the result of items shared last week?

 

Share

How can you impact the world around you with what you have learned this past week? Who in your life needs to hear the saving message of Jesus Christ?

 

Worship

Appoint someone in your group to write down your prayer requests and then to follow up each week and record the way in which God answered your requests.

 

 

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